Oh my gosh! The NFL locked out the players... or they were given permission to keep them locked out... or they can lock them out for at least another two weeks, but then they might not be able to lock them out, or they might have to unlock them out... Expletive Deleted!
This is the worst news possible in the sporting world today. Not that there is a lockout... most of us have come to accept that, it's old news. No, the news that this is news the worst possible.
An aside:
Why is this in federal court in the first place? Not only do we have to pay $30 to park (they have to make up for all the alcohol sales they lose out on in the parking lot... if only they would start selling it there... no..they wouldn't.. they couldn't... would they? Bastards), we have to pay $10 for a 10 oz beer (they say it's a 12 oz, but how many times have you gotten a perfect pour in those plastic cups? There's always a good inch of foam), we have to pay $75 for PRESEASON tickets (when the starters play 1/4 of the game, and then guys we've never heard of, nor will hear of again, get to play) and $150 for regular season tickets (in the upper deck with all the other belligerents. And you always get stuck behind that ONE extra drunk guy who finds ONE fan of the visiting team and heckles them the whole game, regardless of the score), now we have to pay for the courts to listen to these whiny silver spooners complain about how to split their $10 billion dollars, and have them appeal EVERY decision (taxes, thanks Uncle Samwise)?
Anyway..
Regardless of the ridiculousnous (that's a word... I just added it to the dictionary) of the appellate court ("What?! You're ruling for him?! I don't like that rule, who can I ask that can give me a different answer?" Oh yeah, there's a court for that... and then when that ruling is overruled, the OTHER guy can do the same thing.. really? That's efficient?), can't the courts just say "No, you're all stupid, work it out"? Why isn't this an option? Parents can do that, and isn't that what the courts really are? Everyone's parents? Everyone knows the NFLPA is still the NFLPA, which is a union, so they need to get their collective bargaining hats on and do it. You know how angry people in Ohio and Wisconsin have to be about that? Public employees who fought and lost their right to collectively bargain (at least to the extent that they had the right to before) have to be metaphorically pulling their hair out at this. It's one thing to rebel against your superior, that's what this country was founded on, so we all have that right. But at least when we revolted against the Crown in 1776 we tried to negotiate first. You know what happened after they couldn't work the details out? War. Is that what this will come to? No. That could make a funny cartoon in a newspaper though. No, there will be no bloodshed, but something that won't happen, should happen: Boycott.
I know, I know... how are we supposed to (il)legally gamble on football if there isn't any being played? What will we do with our Sundays? And Mondays? Sometimes Saturdays? Sometimes Thursday? And what about Thanksgiving? Isn't that the true meaning of Thanksgiving? Watching football for eleven hours? Will Thanksgiving be cancelled? We can't let this billionaire millionaires win. We, the fans, are the only reason the NFL has $10 billion to argue about. So we need to stop watching. Stop reading. Stop going to the games. We'll still have college football on Saturdays. Beer will still flow on Sundays. We can all wake up early and watch English Premier League Football.
No, they don't play football in England, it's actually soccer, but I feel it's disrespectful to say soccer after "English Premier League." They don't call it soccer. They call our football "American Football." Well, we have to be better than them, we don't discriminate in sports. There's room for two "footballs" in this world... and if the NFL is locked out, I guess there's only one anyway.
So this is a call to boycott the NFL.
Aaaaaaand this is the voicemail message rescinding that idea:
"Yeah... about that boycott... that was all talk... we need fantasy football. We tried playing Fantasy EPL Football. But we don't understand the difference between a forward and a striker and a left back... what is left back?! Plus, all this names likes Drogba and Scholes, and Dempsey.. wait, no not Dempsey, USA! But all those other guys, what's with those names. I can't root for a guy to score if he's laying on the ground for 20 minutes after he trips. We need the NFL back. I want to go to the bar again. I tried going on Sunday and there was no football on. Same awful music, but without the football to drown it out, I almost stabbed the cocktail waitress. Maybe we should pickett instead of boycotting... so as soon as the lockout is lifted, we can rush the stadium like it was a huge victory (like Wisconsin sporting events of any kind). So, yeah, Roger G. and Dee Smith... you guys take your time... we'll be here when you're ready."
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The Indians won 19-1 last night. First of all, awesome. I love that the Indians can score 19 runs. Granted the starting pitcher of the Royals lasted a whole 1/3 of an inning, but still. Grady's on the DL, and Carmona keeps blowing great games with one bad inning. But 19 runs? Can't there be a mercy rule (or at least a mercy plan) in MLB
Matt LaPorta looks like a guy that you could just sit around and have a beer with.
Go Tribe!
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